Drop it Like it’s Hot
Time's on your side, but Valmont has a plan to grab the invasion plans, and run cover your tracks Cast * Sam Yao * Nadia Al Hanaki * Brent Valmont Plot Across The Roof And Climb Down There's only 30 minutes until the briefcase explodes, and you can't let Sigrid know you've seen her plans, so Valmont puts part of a new plan into action - you'll need to head to the village square. Need A Clear Picture You and Valmont join Nadia, who's hiding behind a floral float. Valmont, instructed by ANNIE, relays the plan; get a picture of a man in a blue hat, and slip a transmitter into General Victory's pocket. On A Clock While Nadia plants the transmitter on General Victory, you take the picture of Denton, the man in the blue hat. Tasks complete, you head to a Ministry checkpoint over the hill. Best Thing That's Ever Happened Valmont and Nadia get off on the wrong foot, and Valmont makes use of his grifting skills to get past a guard checkpoint. On The Ground Floor You approach a forbidding looking building. While Nadia distracts the guards by pretending her bike is broken, you and Valmont sneak inside. Climb Out The Window Valmont plants the disarmed case, along with a forged note from Denton, implicating General Victory as a traitor. The men can't refute the claims, as they've been "conveniently" blown up. You rush to take photos of the plans before being discovered. Plans For Abel's Annihilation After escaping, Valmont reads through the plans, and it's worse than you thought - Sigrid plans to turn you and several allies to her side, and has a weapon inside Abel which she'll use to annihilate the township! S06E29 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript beeps SAM YAO: All right… all right. You’re in the house of one of Sigrid’s generals, and he’s due back any minute, and you need to get a look at those invasion plans, and the briefcase is going to explode. But okay, I have an idea. Can’t we just - get this - take the plans out of the briefcase and leave the case there? Run home with the plan, job done. BRENT VALMONT: If we let this case be discovered here, they’ll come looking for whoever tripped the security. Did you use counter-surveillance techniques getting here? SAM YAO: Um… we might have been accompanied by a salty Scottish woman on a custom bike. There could have been a flock of sheep involved. BRENT VALMONT: Right… and for this to be useful, you need her to think you haven’t seen the plans, don’t you? SAM YAO: I mean, yeah. But look, if we take it away, won’t they know we - well, you know - took it away? BRENT VALMONT: They’ll definitely know if we leave it here. Anyway, we can’t let this thing go off while we’re in the neighborhood. Or at least, I can’t. I have a reputation to maintain. SAM YAO: Yeah, sometimes I can believe you’re married to Amelia, actually. BRENT VALMONT: Flatterer! SAM YAO: Right. Well, I presume ANNIE has a plan. BRENT VALMONT: Partial one. Still working out the kinks. SAM YAO: Where’s it start? BRENT VALMONT: Five, we need to be down in the village square by the band before they finish their next song. We’ll go across the roof and climb down. Come on, run! [oompah band music plays, audience cheers and applauds NADIA AL HANAKI: Five, Valmont, over here! Hide with me behind this floral float. BRENT VALMONT: Nadia Al Hanaki, what a delight! I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Brent Valmont, the UK’s last remaining billionaire. And may I say how lovely you’re looking? NADIA AL HANAKI: Yeah, well, my last two boyfriends got killed, so be warned before you get any ideas. BRENT VALMONT: Fair enough. ANNIE says we’re looking for one person in particular: a man in a blue hat who is with General Victory. They’re both judging part of the - what’s that? - the well dressing. Um, ANNIE, old girl, check that again. Oh, no, I see it over there. English people covering a well in garlands of flowers and ribbons. NADIA AL HANAKI: What’s this bloke in a blue hat to us? BRENT VALMONT: He’s senior to the general, and if we play our cards right, he’ll get us over the border. But we have a few assignments! I need to shake General Victory’s hand and slip something into his pocket - NADIA AL HANAKI: I can do that. BRENT VALMONT: Can you? NADIA AL HANAKI: He’s less likely to recognize me than he is the world’s last remaining billionaire, isn’t he? I’ll just pretend to topple off my bike and drop that - what is it? A transmitter? - into his pocket. BRENT VALMONT: Fair enough! Five, we need to get a clear picture of that man in a blue hat for ANNIE. The brim is blocking her satellite images. ANNIE says we have no more than four minutes to get that picture if this is going to work. Run! applauds SAM YAO: laughs Oh, look! Someone’s won the Pin the Tail on the Donkey. sighs I actually love all this stuff, you know. Yeah, Olde England. I mean, if the people who were into it as well weren’t so awful, I could be mates with them. We could do crown green bowls and dance around a maypole and stuff. Probably really enjoy dancing around a maypole. Well, get tangled up in the ribbon, to be honest. I’d enjoy that. Right, Five! You’re in position. If you duck out from behind that fence now, he’s too distracted by judging the largest marrows to notice you taking his pic. clicks That’s it, got him! BRENT VALMONT: Good. ANNIE’s got the pic, now. Identified the blue hat man. It’s Denton, Sigrid’s current chief of staff. And Nadia’s planted the transmitter in General Victory’s pocket. We need to get out of this village before anyone finds the hole in the wall of the general’s house. Let’s rendezvous at the checkpoint into Ministry territory over that hill. We’re on the clock. Run! rumbles NADIA AL HANAKI: Are you sure this will work, Valmont? BRENT VALMONT: You can call me Brent, you know. And no, you can never be sure. That’s what makes it so much fun! sighs I can’t believe I haven’t given you a nickname yet. NADIA AL HANAKI: My name’s Nadia. In terms of nicknames, if I were you, I’d go with Nadia. BRENT VALMONT: Nadia “Hot Stuff” Al Hanaki! Well, uh, you’ve got a face on you that could down a Learjet there, uh, Hot - uh, Nadia. NADIA AL HANAKI: That’s right. Look, we’re coming up on the checkpoint now. Do your thing, Mr. Smooth. BRENT VALMONT: Did you just give me a nickname? No one ever does that! NADIA AL HANAKI: Just get on with it. BRENT VALMONT: Uh, hello? on glass Hello? Guardsperson? opens Hello, hi, yes - GUARD: No one gets through here without ID. This is Ministry-controlled territory. BRENT VALMONT: Yes, only this is rather urgent. It’s on the strict orders of Admiral Denton. You remember Admiral Denton? Sigrid promoted him, her chief of staff. Wears a natty blue hat. Never actually was in the Navy, but what does experience matter these days? Known for stringing up subordinates by their toes. GUARD: I know Denton. BRENT VALMONT: Yes, well, if you do know Denton, you’ll know that his one little problem is, well… stomach trouble. whispers Excessive farting. loud Famous for it on the parade ground, I believe. GUARD: I’ve heard that, yes. BRENT VALMONT: Well, so, look. Admiral Denton’s in a bit of a sticky situation, laughs as it were. I’m his, uh, head of wardrobe. Lady on the bike is his housekeeper. This is his personal physician, Dr., uh, Five. We are - look, I’m terribly sorry, but we’re on a very urgent mission. There’s been a… fart and follow through situation, do you get my drift? GUARD: laughs Is that true? BRENT VALMONT: ‘Fraid so. GUARD: Ventin’ Denton’s crapped his pants? laughs Oh, bloody hell, I’ve got about eight people I need to tell about this right now. BRENT VALMONT: Oh no, no, no. Please don’t! That would be a breach of a sacred trust! You can’t tell anyone I told you, all right? system buzzes GUARD: I’m buzzing you through. You were never here. I won’t record you on the log. But is it really true? BRENT VALMONT: It is really true. GUARD: laughs This is the best thing that had ever happened to me! Please, go where you need, just get out of here. rumbles NADIA AL HANAKI: That the place, Mr. Smooth? BRENT VALMONT: You’re really going for it on this nickname, aren’t you? NADIA AL HANAKI: Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, Smooth. I asked you a question. Is that gray, forbidding, almost Stasi-like building at the top of this hill our target? BRENT VALMONT: It is, yes. My intel says that the guard on the front gate is allergic to peanuts, and that there’s a jar of Skippy we could pick up in the kitchen half a mile - NADIA AL HANAKI: We’ve no time for that, Smooth. I’ve a better idea. Five, Valmont, you hide behind those bushes. rustles, motor rumbles and backfires Excuse me! Excuse me! Could you help me, please? I think there’s something wrong with my bike! SAM YAO: Nadia, what did you do? NADIA AL HANAKI: whispers Yeah, they won’t be able to work it out, either. loud Help! Please! Something’s gone wrong with my bike! I’ll be stranded here if I can’t get it started again! GUARD: Aw, we’ll get it going for you. Just let me take a look. SAM YAO: Five, Valmont, the coast’s clear. There’s a window open on the ground floor of that building. Run! opens SAM YAO: All right. I haven’t got many cams in that building, but I’ve managed to access one outside the door of that office and one inside. sighs I think you’re okay for now. There are five guards trying to help Nadia fix her bike now. I think I saw her pull some little nubbin off some bit of it. Uh, yeah, nubbin’s the technical term there. So yeah, might as well get it open and photograph what we can. opens, papers rustle, camera clicks BRENT VALMONT: Excellent work there, Five. Meanwhile, we do need a plausible reason that this case has been brought back here. Let’s see… ooh! on keyboard “Pit Viper assassins captured at border led me to suspect that General Victory is a traitor. I ordered the briefcase returned to sector HQ. Will investigate Gen. Victory further. Signed, Denton.” SAM YAO: But won’t Denton tell Sigrid that he didn’t send that message? BRENT VALMONT: Oh, I’ve left a small incendiary device in Victory’s house. I meant just to use it just to cover my own tracks, but uh, ANNIE? Yeah. Denton and Victory just went into the house. We blew it up. Job done. SAM YAO: That’s cold. BRENT VALMONT: Zombie apocalypse. Also, Denton and Victory were both actual Sigrid loyalists. But now she’ll find a transmitter on them, and she’ll suspect one or both were traitors. And they were going into the house alone to review the documents, so no collateral damage among staff and so on. Everyone else is at the well dressing. Win, win, win! SAM YAO: Right. If you say so. Five, how are the photos coming? Did I see the word Moonchild? Sigrid was friends with Moonchild back in the day, wasn’t she? I guess it makes sense that if she wants to get to you, then Moonchild would help her. sighs I’m sorry, Five. We will work out how to fix this for you. I know it hasn’t been easy. We’ve all… sighs heard the nightmares. BRENT VALMONT: Someone’s patrolling the corridor. They’re coming closer. SAM YAO: Yeah. Five, get as many of those photos as you can, and - yeah. Okay. When I say go, you need to climb out the window and run right as fast as you can, okay? Okay… now go! rumbles NADIA AL HANAKI: Look! Suddenly, it’s working again! Thanks, everyone! I couldn’t have done it without all 11 of you! GUARD: Bye, Nadia! Nice to meet you. SAM YAO: Five, if you wait behind that wall for a sec, they’ll catch you up. NADIA AL HANAKI: Well, they were nice, weren’t they? BRENT VALMONT: Really nice… to you. ANNIE said at least three of them should be considered extremely dangerous. NADIA AL HANAKI: Oh no, they were sweethearts, weren’t they? BRENT VALMONT: To you. You ever considered a career in grifting? If we just head behind that wall, ANNIE’s going to arrange a transport to neutral territory for us in a couple of minutes. rumbles NADIA AL HANAKI: Five, you got out okay! Good work! Okay, do you have those photos? beeps BRENT VALMONT: whistles Wow. Sigrid’s intelligence is better than I, personally, expected. Look at these. She knows about the Laundry. She’s planning to turn the Exmoor Militia against you. And this thing here - she says she already has a 'gun’ inside Abel, and can pull the trigger whenever she pleases. And the word 'gun’ is in inverted commas, which makes it seem even more sinister, somehow! Oh, look at this, Legs! You get a whole section to yourself! Apparently, data about you was found on a ship due for demolition which “indicates that Moonchild is alive within the vessel, and will work with us against Abel. We have only to await the moment to summon her, and Runner Five will be ours." Yeah. Guys. Sorry to tell you - these aren’t plans for an invasion of Abel. These are plans for Abel’s annihilation! Category:Mission Category:Season Six